Made a mistake? How to forgive yourself for not being perfect.

What a cliché it is, that we all make mistakes. But as well as being a cliché, it also happens to be true. I, for one, know I have made loads of mistakes in my life, some bigger than others but all mistakes none the less.

 

The thing is, we can be really harsh on ourselves about our mistakes, thinking about them over and over again wondering how on earth we could have been so stupid. Whether it's missing out on an opportunity, letting someone down or acting outside our values we can find ourselves in the uncomfortable aftermath of “screwing up” berating ourselves for what we did or didn't do.

 

So how can we move on from our mistakes and forgive ourselves for not being perfect? After all, we have to be with ourselves for the rest of our lives and it will be a much better journey if we aren't harbouring resentment and regret. Below are some suggestions of ways I think can help us to be more self-forgiving.

Separate accountability and forgiveness.

To forgive yourself doesn't mean to shirk blame or to hide from the consequences of your mistake. Consequences have to be accepted and dealt with as best we can. But forever beating yourself up is not a necessary component of dealing with the aftermath. To forgive yourself is not to let yourself 'off the hook' but rather to have compassion for yourself during the process of trying to put things right.

 

Put someone else in your shoes

 

Think about the mistake you have made and how you would react and comfort a loved one if they were to make the same mistake. Would you tell them that it was reasonable in the situation that they found themselves in? Would you tell them that we are all only human? Whatever it is you would tell them, tell yourself the same thing.

 

Think about what you have learned

 

This is another somewhat cliché statement but its actually really valuable. If you have made a mistake, really really think about what you have learnt from it. What situation led you to this point? Did you try your best? What have you discovered about yourself as a person, good or bad? Use this information to get to know yourself better and to accept yourself warts and all.

 

Stop thinking in black and white

 

I don't really believe that people are either 'good' or 'bad.' Rather, I think we all exist on a spectrum of good and bad with aspects of both within us. This means that sometimes, good people do bad things. Just because you have made a mistake, it doesn't make you a bad person, a stupid person etc. etc. Goodness is a choice as much as it is inherent. If you made a 'bad' choice, make it a conscious reminder to focus more on your good.

 

 

 

 

Comparing other outcomes with reality is a 'false economy'

 

In the case of mistakes where regret is involved e.g. choosing the 'wrong' career path, we sometimes compare what we 'could' have had if we had made the 'right' decision. The problem with this is that the other option is almost always going to come out better because we are comparing our reality with an ideal. If only you'd taken the other job, you'd be a lot happier now, right? Well, actually, you can't guarantee this. Choosing the other option would have set off a whole other series of circumstances. Yes, you may have ended up happier, better off, 'fill in the blank' but you could equally have ended up in the same position  comparing THAT reality with the option you DID choose. Your reality can never compete with what 'might' have happened because you will always see the grass as greener on the field you choose not to walk on.

 

Say sorry

 

If your mistake involved hurting someone else, say sorry. Its hard to apologise sometimes and to face criticism of who we are but we know it's the right thing to do. If you say sorry and are truly sorry, you can look more kindly upon yourself going forward.

 

Don't rely on others forgiveness to be able to forgive yourself

 

When you have said sorry, people may not forgive you. That's ok. They don't have to. They can chose to not have you in their life, you can't. Forgiveness from others is wonderful and affirming but forgiving yourself is perhaps even more so. Do not wait for someone else to forgive you before you forgive yourself.

 

Remember that you are not your mistakes.

 

This is probably the single most important thing. Separate yourself from your mistake. The mistake is something you did or didn't do, it does not define who you are.

 

 

With love always

xxxx

Eulogies for the living

When someone dies, you always hear an outpouring of love from their friends, family, neighbours, co workers etc. We hear how funny someone was, how thoughtful they were and how they brightened the lives of those they knew. People recall times in which the person helped them through a struggle and recount funny memories which they hold dear.

This is such a lovely tribute to those who are no longer here and definitely has a role to play in remembering them and also in grieving for those left behind. But, it often gets me thinking what a shame it is, that all these people are not around to hear how much they were valued and loved.
I'm not suggesting that we don't tell our loved ones that they are loved, of course many of us do but I do sometimes wonder whether or not we truly tell people all the things we really love and value about them. What would I say to this person if they were no longer here and why am I not saying it now, whilst they are?

In 1998, when I was 8, four of my family members died and at that age, death suddenly felt real and even probable. Following this, at the time, I would never let my Mum or Dad or sister go anywhere without saying a proper goodbye and I love you because I  feared that this might be the last time I would see them. At the time, I felt like it was a curse, constant worry every time someone left the house. Now, however, perhaps with age and maturity, I see it as a blessing. I am always telling my friends and family that I love them and I say it freely without embarrassment. Had I not lost those people, I might have taken it for granted that people would always come home.

I know that all people are different and that is what makes life interesting. Some people just aren't outwardly emotional and some families, friends don't tell each other that they love each other even though they all know they do and that's fine. I am not saying my position is superior or right or whatever. But what I am saying is that we should sometimes think about death of both ourselves and our loved ones and think about what we would want them to know. Yes its uncomfortable and upsetting but actually death is one of the only two things that are certain in this life. The other is love in one form or another. So many of us probably go through life not realising the extent to which we are loved.

Even me, gushy, emotional (probably annoyingly so for some!), I still probably haven't told my friends or family all the things I love about them and all the memories I treasure which they are a part of and I guess what I am trying to say is why haven't I? Of course death is a massive emotional experience and you just don't know how you will feel in that situation and may think of a thousand things you could have said but didn't but at least we can say what we know now. If we know that people know how much they mean to us, not only can they rest in peace but we can live in peace also.

The word 'Eulogy' is often associated with death and in fact I thought it was a word referring to tributes in death only . But actually, it isn't. Eulogy comes from classical Greek and means 'praise.' So why don't we praise people more often. Eulogies not just for the dead but for the living too.

Dear Life..

Dear Life,

I have borrowed you for 24 years now. You have always been there even though I may not have always seen you. You are the reason I have risen each morning, the reason I have fallen asleep each day without fear of not waking up the next. Yes, you are the very reason I breathe.

You have not always been good to me. You have brought me pain and grief and in leaving others you have brought me loss. You have brought me challenges greater than I could ever have imagined or feared. You have made me doubt myself and often my fear has been greater than my faith. Together we have perhaps done things we are not proud of, or that, with hindsight, we see were foolish. You must have seen similar mistakes in others many times before, Life, but you remained passive, allowing me to experience it all for myself for better or worse. Sometimes I want to thank you for the experiences, for who they have allowed me to become but other times I look upon you with such sadness and regret that I cannot feel you here anymore.

I feel that I have allowed circumstances to silence you. I have ignored you. You have been here but you have been asleep and I have not made an effort to wake you. I have seen only the clouds even when the sun was just out of sight. I have focused on the darkness and in doing so have failed to see your light. I have forgotten that you are only borrowed and that each second I have with you is precious.

Forgive me, Life 

Forgive me for not seeing you, truly seeing you. Forgive me for not taking a moment every day to breathe you in. Forgive me for almost begrudging you for being here whilst at the same time not wanting you to go. Forgive me for not loving every second, every inch, every scent of you. Without you, I would not have experienced much pain but equally I would not have experienced much joy. Forgive me for not accepting that each emotion, good and bad, is evidence that you are here and reside within me. Forgive me for forgetting that you are here and for forgetting that I am alive.

I am alive.

So, please Life, accept my apology. Awaken from your slumber. Give me strength on the days I have none. I can not promise you that I will never wish things were different or that things had gone better or been done differently. But I can promise that I will actively try to fill myself from the top of my head to the tips of my toes with you. I will find things for us to do that make me happy, even just the small things. I will thank you often, for deciding to stay with me another day and I will not take you for granted. I will remember just how beautiful you are and how temporary. I will love you, warts and all, so that on the day, hopefully many years from now, when you decide you are going to leave me, we will part as old friends and I will gracefully let you go knowing that I loved you as much as I could.

But for now life, lets LIVE.
xxxx

24 things I have learnt in 24 years...

First of all, I cannot believe that I am 24. It seems only yesterday that I was getting ready in my room at my parents house to celebrate becoming 18. I have now not been 18 for 6 years! As my sister would say... 'Good Lord!'

 Each year I find my birthday to be a mixture of both celebration and nostalgia. Celebration for the life that I have - the fact I am growing older is because I am alive, a privilege denied to many. Yet nostalgia about the time that has passed, opportunities I may have missed, friends I may no longer see or talk to and time that can never be unspent.

Time is a very bizarre thing. It passes by and we measure it in the way man has designed through clocks and hours and minutes and seconds. Just as we would find it near impossible to describe colour to somebody born blind, how would we describe time to somebody who did not understand the words we have created to describe it?

'An hour is a passing of 60 mintues'
'But what is an hour? What is a minute?'

'A minute is a passing of 60 seconds'
'But what is a second, how does it feel?'

I think we all get the picture. What I am trying to say is, time doesn't really mean anything. It isn't tangible, yet we know that it exists because we see it in the wrinkles on the faces of the elderly and the lack of it on the smooth, plump cheeks of the young. We see it in the rising and setting of the sun each day. Time is not merciful, it does not spare any of us in its path. Yet it does bring with it some treasures -beautiful memories, healing and experience.

Perhaps the greatest gift of time is the lessons that it teaches us and here are 24 things I have learnt in the past 24 years...

1. When you have a gut feeling, it will not go away if you ignore it. Quite the opposite in fact, it will grow and grow and ache and ache until eventually you have no choice but to obey.

2. Sometimes you lose contact with people who you thought would be in your life forever. Accepting this is difficult but acceptance is also the only way to move on. It hurts though.

3. Family, in most instances (although I appreciate there are exceptions for some) will be the ones who are there for you after everybody else has given up on you, forsaken you and forgotten you. Blood is thicker than water.

4. Related to number 3, nobody will ever love you the way your mother does.

5. There will always be someone prettier than you, richer than you, smarter than you, better at life than you. It sucks but resistance is futile! Slagging someone off who has more money than you wont make you any richer. As humans we naturally try to make inferior that which we perceive to be superior to protect our self esteem. But lets be cautious about this.

6. You can never know what someone else is going through. Or rather, you can never assume to know. Sometimes we think the grass is greener but that's because we have no idea what the reality of a situation entails behind those closed doors. This is why we should be kind to people, they may be suffering.

7. People will judge you and talk about you no matter what you do. Unfortunately, it is one of the sad facts of life. However, this is also somewhat freeing...if you are going to be talked about regardless, you may as well do what you truly want to do.

8. You will miss out on something. We are so privileged to have so many opportunities that it is pretty much inevitable that we will not be able to do every single thing that we want to do in life. In an ideal world we would but in most people's realities we cannot. That's not to say we can't do what is most important to us but rather to acknowledge that we have neither the time nor the resources to fulfil every single wish we can wish.

9. True friends stick around when the going gets rough. They will not desert you just because you are no fun to be around at a particular time. They will love you for who they know you to be and they will try and help you back to that person if you should lose your way. If a friend makes you feel bad about yourself, they really shouldn't be a friend. You deserve better.

10. Spontaneous nights out or other spontaneous events are often the best ones! Be flexible.

11. If you want something bad enough you will sacrifice sleep, fun, comfort etc. to achieve it. If you are not prepared to do this, perhaps you don't want it as much as you think you do.

12. A cup of tea can ease the pain of any problem. I truly believe in this. When the going gets tough....put the kettle on!

13. Laughing at a problem can suddenly make it seem so much smaller. I cannot stress how true this is! Laugh, laugh and laugh some more if you can. Perhaps whilst drinking that tea?

14. All of us, far too often, believe what we read or see on the television, news, Facebook without even considering whether or not it is true. We choose to read things that reinforce our own views and we allow ourselves to form further/deeper opinions based on misleading information and unintelligent arguments. Lets ask more questions before we make those judgements.

15. Nature can offer a sense of comfort that you cannot get from anything else. Go out and spend time in it. You may be lying in bed watching tv and can't be bothered to get dressed and go out for that walk. Go. You will get far more from the sky and the air than you will get from the television.

16. You cannot change the past. This one is difficult for me. There are several things I would like to do differently if I were given the chance. But that's just it. I will never be given that chance because the past is in the past. We can do nothing about our past except to learn the lessons it was there to teach us and to apply them productively in the present and the future. I remember as a child of about 11-12 watching Romeo and Juliet (Baz Lurhmann's version) for a second and third time praying that Romeo would get the note and wouldn't take the poison. But the film was filmed, the ending was never going to change and revisiting it for such a purpose was futile. Going back to your past over and over again is similar...Romeo will always drink the poison. Acceptance is the only way forward.

17. First impressions are not always correct. We all meet people and make immediate judgements about them. Its natural and in evolutionary times actually served an important purpose in our survival. However, we are no longer living in caves hunting and grunting! We have intelligent minds capable of reason and development. I have been guilty of making assumptions about people before that are less than favourable only to go on to get to know them and to realise that they are lovely and that I really like and respect them. I try to remember this now with each new person I encounter.

18. We are responsible for our own happiness. When we have big life decisions and problems to make and solve we often look to other people for a solution because we don't have faith in our own ability to face up to it. We want someone to come rushing in on a white horse to rescue us, to say all the right things and to take away all the painful things we need to face up to. This will never happen. We are the only people who can make changes in our lives for the better. This is really scary. It doesn't make it any less true however.

19. Being silly, childish and just having some good old fashioned, clean fun is very soothing for the soul. Stop worrying about being 'an adult' or how old you are. Have fun! My Mum is 52 this year (sorry, Mum!) and just the other week she was space-hopping it around the living room with my niece! Good times, people, good times!!

My Mum...forever young and playful (and my Dad, laughing in the background)

20. Life plans will probably not work out. You know that 'life plan' you had when you were younger, the one in your mind where you make a contract with yourself about what you will do at what age? Yeah, that probably wont happen. Sometimes it sucks. Sometimes something better happens. Let the plans go and just accept what is.

21. Friends and family are the only things that really, truly matter. We do get caught up in jobs and money and day to day activities but the bottom line is that family and friends are really the only important thing. We need to remind ourselves of this and cherish each person whilst they are here.

22. When you are at rock bottom and you are absolutely sure that you can endure no more, something inside you will make you carry on. This is the beauty of the human spirit. It can endure so much and yet at some level remain hopeful and optimistic.

23. Music can take you through any experience in your life. It can lift you up or it can sit with you when you are down. The fact that little children dance to music without being taught to tells me that the need to dance and to listen to music is innate. Keep your heart in the dance.

24. Life is beautiful...even when I feel rubbish I know this deep down. Life is a gift, we are privileged to be here.

So here are my 24 things. I have learnt much more but these are some of the ones I feel are most important. What have you learnt? Take a moment to think about it because the lessons you have learnt may support you now, here in the present.

Much love x x x x

Things we can all learn from children

Before my niece was born, I didn't really have any close contact with children. I don't yet have any of my own and members of my family who do have them are either far away or I just don't see them as often as id like, as is often the case in life. Since 2012, however, I have been blessed with being an Aunty to the most amazing, adorable and beautiful little girl who absolutely makes my heart burst at the seams with love.

The more I spend time with my niece, the more she amazes me and the more I see things through her eyes. This got me thinking about how children interact and enjoy the world around them and how they have so many beautiful, endearing qualities that we as 'grown-ups' seem to leave behind. Each time I play with her and she laughs and smiles as though I am the funniest person in the world, it makes me realise how much we could all learn from children.


1. Everything is a miracle!

There is a quote I have heard a dozen times, assigned to Albert Einstein which states that “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” Children definitely live life as though everything is a miracle. When my niece first saw Christmas lights her eyes light up brighter than the lights themselves and she wore an expression of sheer amazement and wonder.  When bath time arrives, she is the happiest person ever and why not? Its bath time! How lovely it is to sit in a warm bath and play with bubbles and cups and ducks!  And how amazing it is that water just runs from the taps at the flick of a wrist! She truly enjoys the bath, she appreciates it and it makes her truly happy. Indeed, she finds true happiness in many of the simplest things, such as a piece of music, a toy or a book.

As adults, for whatever reason, be it worries, stresses, too much thinking and social conditioning we seem to lose this sense of wonder. But what if we all tried to see the miracle in life more often? Because isn't it a miracle that we get to be alive and enjoy Christmas lights and have running water on demand? Isn't it a miracle that our skin tingles when getting into a hot bath on a cold day? Life is full of miracles and children are innocent enough and unspoiled enough to notice.





2. Children do not try to be anyone else but themselves
 
Children are who they are, without apology. Children do not try to be something they are not because they haven't yet been conditioned to the way of thinking dictating what is acceptable, what is cool or uncool what they 'should' like or dislike. Therefore, children simple like what they like and dislike what they don't. They wear their hearts on their sleeves and what you see is definitely what you get. A lot of people's lives would probably be happier and more meaningful if we were all just who we are.

3. Children dance like no one is watching

The phrase 'dance like no one is watching' never seems more apt than when applied to children. Children have not yet developed the acute sense of self-consciousness that often cripples us as adults and therefore they do not worry about what they look like or what other people think. They enjoy themselves without inhibition or doubt. Nothing is more beautiful to me than when my niece dances to a song and really loses herself in the music without a care in the world for who is watching. It would be wonderful if we as adults could let go of our inhibitions a bit too, just like children. Indeed, the desire to do so is proven by the success of the alcohol business. Don't get me wrong, I am not suggesting we all act like wild savages without care but when it comes to harmless fun such as dancing or more professional tasks such as public speaking being a little less self-conscious could make life a little more fun!

4. Children love unconditionally   

Children love unconditionally. If you are someone in their lives who is kind to them they will love you no matter what. They don't care if you have lost weight or gained weight, earn a lot or a little, have a spot or a big nose. They love you. End of. Life would be so much happier if we all as adults, myself included, loved more like children, unconditionally and without judgement.

5. Children live in the moment and are present in the moment

Children do not really have a concept of yesterday or tomorrow and consequently live life day by day. They enjoy each day as it unfolds without expectation and therefore they truly live each day. They are there in that day. As adults, we are often just bodies drifting through a day whilst our minds are off somewhere in the past or future, two places that actually don't exist. We would all enjoy each day so much more if we just lived for the day and didn't spend all our time obsessing over the events of things gone or to potentially come. What's more, children don't spend their time taking photos of a day out or making a video recording of an event, they just enjoy it consciously in that moment as it unfolds. Of course as adults we need to plan to an extent but I think many of us, again myself included, spend far too much time thinking about life in the future when actually the only thing we have is now. Right now. So lets make like children and live for today.

I know that as adults we have jobs and responsibilities that children do not have to worry about but I truly believe that we can all learn from children and can make an effort to try and embody more of the qualities I have listed above. I think we would all be happier for it.  We should not lose our inner child. It is well quoted that the average toddler laughs around 300 times a day but the average 40 year old only four. They are obviously doing something right.


P.S. To my Beautiful Niece, this post is dedicated to you. A ray of light to conquer any darkness. I love you <3

The Peril of the 20s - doing it 'right'

The 20s are supposed to be the glamorous years, the years of partying, 'self-discovery', great sex and beauty. Right? Maybe for some but for many people I know, the 20s more often represents a few bursts of these things interspersed with uncertainty, indecision, confusion and fear. I, for one, am slightly obsessed at the moment with 'doing the 20s right' which inevitably leads to disappointment because 'doing it right' doesn't quite exist.

We are surrounded by sitcoms, films, magazines etc. that sell to us the perfect idea of the 20s, they positively 'big them up' making all people outside of this age envious. Who wouldn't want to be a 'twenty-something' with perky boobs (or moobs if you happen to be a pleasantly plump man), no serious responsibilities and the ability to get drunk almost every weekend without being frowned upon? Indeed, written down it does sound quite fabulous. The trouble is, reality very rarely follows the path marked 'ideal' and because we are so socially conditioned to desire this ideal it can makes us feel like we aren't using the 20's right.

If, like my immature younger self probably did, I could write down the path my life should take during this decade it would probably look something like this:

1. Go out a LOT...get drunk - get a hangover, recover, repeat

2. Go travelling/back packing

3. Fall in love with a fabulous man

4. Get a mortgage and a family house

5. Have children probably around 28


Yet when you grow up you realise that for most of us mere mortals life doesn't follow the path it should, it takes you to other, sometimes less favourable places and flat out smashes those rose coloured lenses. Travelling, for example, is a dream of mine yet travelling requires money and money requires a job, a job requires your time and time is a requirement for travelling. Plus there are the nagging thoughts in your head 'should I spend my money on travelling or should I save for a mortgage?' Every decision in your twenties seems to be impossible to make, stuffed full to the brim with 'what ifs?' and 'yeah buts.' For people like me who think far too much and aren't blessed with the 'do now, think later' mentality it can be torturous, indeed it is. Being a woman, dare I say, makes this even harder because it is a basic fact of life that the female fertility window of opportunity does not stay open for long. Therefore, whilst 28 may seem a spring chicken for a man, a women at 28 only has 8 years before she is 35 or over, the cut off age for greater risk of pregnancy complications.

So what can we do? Are we doomed? Should we curl under the duvet and wait for the flirty 30s? Well, no. What we should do, myself included, is to try and let go of the childish ideals and life plans we held for ourselves when we were younger because life just isn't like that. It really isn't. That's the bottom line. All we can do is try our hardest to live for the day. That isn't to say that you can't plan or dream, indeed you should dream (and dream big!) but you shouldn't expect life to obediently follow your plans because trust me, it has other ideas!
If, like myself, you hold the desire to travel for example, maybe you should just travel and not obsess about whether or not you will regret spending the money or will wish you had taken that job you turned down in order to go. Maybe you will but maybe it will be the best damn decision you ever make! That's the risk. Perhaps we should take that risk.

We should also try to let go of those ideals and accept things as they are, perhaps we are not where we think we should be but maybe we are where we need to be.


At the moment, I am not feeling very brave or decisive but I hope that soon i will find that courage and I hope you do too. In the meantime, lets just do what we can, with what we have, where we are. That will surely make for a life well lived.

Fear of Failure

Sometimes in life we are the only thing holding us back. This type of obstacle is much greater to overcome than an external one because it is usually based on a percieved threat to our very perception of who we are. We avoid the steps we need to take to grow and achieve because we fear that we will fail. Yet the avoidance of such steps leaves us with another, equally uncomfortable conflict- the understanding that we are falling short of our true potential.

Take, for example, the people we all know (it may even be you) that are in jobs that although valuable (every job is needed) are not the job we know they desire. They may be brilliant at that job, yet we know that many skills that individual has are lying dormant. Like an athlete falling short of a personal best, it is frustrating and dissapointing.

So what are we afraid of? As with the complex nature of being human, I believe it is a combination of things. For me, i think my sense of self-esteem is based far too strongly on external events - getting good grades during my degree made me see myself as worthy, intelligent whereas, on the flip side, poor grades had me define myself as stupid, incapable. The problem with this (and i still do it) is that if we define ourselves externally like this, it is inevitable that we will often be left with bruised self-esteem and a reinforced view that the unknown and or new challenges are to be feared. In reality (which i can still see through reason, despite my fear) through good grades or bad grades, rain or shine, we are who we are. We do not become less worthy or more worthy through external circumstances we just are worthy and that is that. This concept is summed up beautifully in  one of my favourite quotes:

'Praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow come and go like the wind. To be happy, rest like a giant tree in the midst of them all.'

-Buddha

Another reason we hold ourselves back is the fear of the judgement of others. If we try and fail we may be ridiculed, humiliated and lose our reputation. Lets face it, embarrassment does not feel good and it is very human to seek to avoid discomfort. However, many things necessary for progression in life (interviews, new relationships with potential for heartache) are uncomfortable and, therefore, our avoidance of such discomfort can only lead to us holding ourselves back and selling ourselves short.

I am not an expert by any means but I am human. I also happen to be a human who experiences fear and often engages in this unproductive behaviour. However, i do have a few strategies that i use to try and limit this as much as possible.

• Remember, you are not the centre of the universe, only the centre of your universe. If we mess up in an interview the horrible embarrassment, fear etc feels all-consuming to us. We may even go home and remember what we said wrong and cringe at the thought. However, it always helps me to remember that the interviewer has probably barely given you a second thought because THEY are the centre of THEIR universe and therefore their thoughts will mostly consist of themselves and issues in their lives.

• Ask yourself, 'If i were to die next week, would this issue matter?' Would you worry about this if you were going to die soon. If the answer is no, chances are this is not an 'end of the world' issue. Have perspective.

• Ask yourself 'If i was my friend, what would i do?' Often, because we do not feel a sense of risk for ourselves, we offer our friends far more logical, reasonable and wise advice than we offer ourselves. Take time to seriously think about how you would help a friend in the same situation, who is holding themself back.

• 'You are a flower with many petals.' We are all many things to many people - friends, partners, sisters, brothers etc. Failing at one thing shouldnt not mean you lose your sense of self worth. A very dear friend of mine text me when i was experiencing severe anxiety at uni and said 'This isnt all you are.' I remember those words even now..and what wise words. None of us are solely defined by one thing. Therefore, do not let failure or fear for one element of your being define you. If you dont get that job...you are still a mother, a brother etc.

• Sometimes accept that you fear failure. We always read things that tell us how to NOT be fearful. Sometimes I like to remind myself that it is ok to feel fear. Do not feel pressured to be fearless or pretend that you are. Just accept that you are scared but know that you can achieve despite that fear. As another very good friend said to me ' You can still achieve, your anxiety does not control you.'

• Remember you are not alone. Thousands fear failure and many HAVE failed. Life does not stop for them and it will not stop for you. The sun will still rise tomorrow.

You are an amazing human being and can achieve so much. You would not look kindly upon somone else who constantly, purposefully held you back...do not do it to yourself.