The 20s are supposed to be the glamorous years, the years of partying, 'self-discovery', great sex and beauty. Right? Maybe for some but for many people I know, the 20s more often represents a few bursts of these things interspersed with uncertainty, indecision, confusion and fear. I, for one, am slightly obsessed at the moment with 'doing the 20s right' which inevitably leads to disappointment because 'doing it right' doesn't quite exist.
We are surrounded by sitcoms, films, magazines etc. that sell to us the perfect idea of the 20s, they positively 'big them up' making all people outside of this age envious. Who wouldn't want to be a 'twenty-something' with perky boobs (or moobs if you happen to be a pleasantly plump man), no serious responsibilities and the ability to get drunk almost every weekend without being frowned upon? Indeed, written down it does sound quite fabulous. The trouble is, reality very rarely follows the path marked 'ideal' and because we are so socially conditioned to desire this ideal it can makes us feel like we aren't using the 20's right.
If, like my immature younger self probably did, I could write down the path my life should take during this decade it would probably look something like this:
1. Go out a LOT...get drunk - get a hangover, recover, repeat
2. Go travelling/back packing
3. Fall in love with a fabulous man
4. Get a mortgage and a family house
5. Have children probably around 28
Yet when you grow up you realise that for most of us mere mortals life doesn't follow the path it should, it takes you to other, sometimes less favourable places and flat out smashes those rose coloured lenses. Travelling, for example, is a dream of mine yet travelling requires money and money requires a job, a job requires your time and time is a requirement for travelling. Plus there are the nagging thoughts in your head 'should I spend my money on travelling or should I save for a mortgage?' Every decision in your twenties seems to be impossible to make, stuffed full to the brim with 'what ifs?' and 'yeah buts.' For people like me who think far too much and aren't blessed with the 'do now, think later' mentality it can be torturous, indeed it is. Being a woman, dare I say, makes this even harder because it is a basic fact of life that the female fertility window of opportunity does not stay open for long. Therefore, whilst 28 may seem a spring chicken for a man, a women at 28 only has 8 years before she is 35 or over, the cut off age for greater risk of pregnancy complications.
So what can we do? Are we doomed? Should we curl under the duvet and wait for the flirty 30s? Well, no. What we should do, myself included, is to try and let go of the childish ideals and life plans we held for ourselves when we were younger because life just isn't like that. It really isn't. That's the bottom line. All we can do is try our hardest to live for the day. That isn't to say that you can't plan or dream, indeed you should dream (and dream big!) but you shouldn't expect life to obediently follow your plans because trust me, it has other ideas!
If, like myself, you hold the desire to travel for example, maybe you should just travel and not obsess about whether or not you will regret spending the money or will wish you had taken that job you turned down in order to go. Maybe you will but maybe it will be the best damn decision you ever make! That's the risk. Perhaps we should take that risk.
We should also try to let go of those ideals and accept things as they are, perhaps we are not where we think we should be but maybe we are where we need to be.
At the moment, I am not feeling very brave or decisive but I hope that soon i will find that courage and I hope you do too. In the meantime, lets just do what we can, with what we have, where we are. That will surely make for a life well lived.
