Eulogies for the living

When someone dies, you always hear an outpouring of love from their friends, family, neighbours, co workers etc. We hear how funny someone was, how thoughtful they were and how they brightened the lives of those they knew. People recall times in which the person helped them through a struggle and recount funny memories which they hold dear.

This is such a lovely tribute to those who are no longer here and definitely has a role to play in remembering them and also in grieving for those left behind. But, it often gets me thinking what a shame it is, that all these people are not around to hear how much they were valued and loved.
I'm not suggesting that we don't tell our loved ones that they are loved, of course many of us do but I do sometimes wonder whether or not we truly tell people all the things we really love and value about them. What would I say to this person if they were no longer here and why am I not saying it now, whilst they are?

In 1998, when I was 8, four of my family members died and at that age, death suddenly felt real and even probable. Following this, at the time, I would never let my Mum or Dad or sister go anywhere without saying a proper goodbye and I love you because I  feared that this might be the last time I would see them. At the time, I felt like it was a curse, constant worry every time someone left the house. Now, however, perhaps with age and maturity, I see it as a blessing. I am always telling my friends and family that I love them and I say it freely without embarrassment. Had I not lost those people, I might have taken it for granted that people would always come home.

I know that all people are different and that is what makes life interesting. Some people just aren't outwardly emotional and some families, friends don't tell each other that they love each other even though they all know they do and that's fine. I am not saying my position is superior or right or whatever. But what I am saying is that we should sometimes think about death of both ourselves and our loved ones and think about what we would want them to know. Yes its uncomfortable and upsetting but actually death is one of the only two things that are certain in this life. The other is love in one form or another. So many of us probably go through life not realising the extent to which we are loved.

Even me, gushy, emotional (probably annoyingly so for some!), I still probably haven't told my friends or family all the things I love about them and all the memories I treasure which they are a part of and I guess what I am trying to say is why haven't I? Of course death is a massive emotional experience and you just don't know how you will feel in that situation and may think of a thousand things you could have said but didn't but at least we can say what we know now. If we know that people know how much they mean to us, not only can they rest in peace but we can live in peace also.

The word 'Eulogy' is often associated with death and in fact I thought it was a word referring to tributes in death only . But actually, it isn't. Eulogy comes from classical Greek and means 'praise.' So why don't we praise people more often. Eulogies not just for the dead but for the living too.